Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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