Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
