the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want nice things and good sex
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
