Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
