my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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