Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
