I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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