..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
