My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
