In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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