I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
