what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
