All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i barfeds in our rink
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
