omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
