Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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