she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
