Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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