My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
