I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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