Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
420 ftw
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
