Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
