i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
