Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
