i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
