some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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