your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
