there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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