I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
