Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize