Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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