Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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