her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
