I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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