I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
