Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize