dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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