I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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