ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
