I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
