I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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