weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
