I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
