we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
