i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
