I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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