my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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