Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
