Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
