If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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