i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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