Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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