so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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