She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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