that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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