true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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