i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
