He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
