Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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