Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
