and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
