you guys were way drunker than both of me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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