worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
