I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
