Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
