she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
