there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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