just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
